There is a common tendency to label negativity as bad, and positivity as good. This can be useful, as it can deter people from being too hard on themselves. Rather than lamenting their current situation, positive people seem to bounce back quicker.

But this mindset has its limitations. At what point does the more “positive” self talk cross the line into delusion? Surely reconstructing a worldview that sanitises any regretful memories into radio-friendly versions would require some heavy censoring. Is it really better just to look away during the scary parts?

To overcome this issue, we might consider an internal change in definitions.

Negativity

The world is dripping with complexity. Far too much to process at once. To combat this, patterns uncovered through lived experiences are compressed and filed away in memory as simple heuristics. We learn that “stoves are hot”, “water is wet”, and “cars need fuel to run”. From these basic stories we build more complex narratives, adding layers and depth over time. Each new thing we experience forms part of the tapestry of our individual psyche.

There are times, however, when a new experience generates a story that contradicts with a bunch of old ones we previously relied on. Negativity is that act of identifying and articulating these contradictions. To ignore these conflicts is to move them into the unconscious, hoping for unaided resolution. But doing this wrecks havoc on our self-confidence – how can we ever trust our own opinions if we know deep down they are plagued with contradictions?

Clearly negativity has a terrible brand, and for obvious reasons. Unearthing fresh contradictions can cause a lot of angst, particularly when they affect our most reassuring beliefs. But as upsetting as contradictions can be at the time, reactively drowning out the pain with a flood of “positive” internal narrative (i.e. stories that make us feel better in the short term) may create more contradictions down then line. It’s like ignoring a check engine light by telling yourself it’s fine – one disturbing groan from the car engine, or a singular puff of smoke seeping out from under the hood and the comforting it’s fine belief starts to crumple.

Positivity

By this point the pessimists among us are rejoicing. At last those blissfully ignorant optimists are being taken down a peg – serves them right for their naive self-deception!

Unfortunately for our dear pessimists, this Pyrrhic victory will be short lived.

Merely pointing out contradictions doesn’t make you a genius, regardless of how accurate your assessment is. Sure, it’s a less naive viewpoint than the willfully blind optimist who buries his head in the sand – but who cares? It’s still not much fun at parties. There must be some role positivity can play, even if it isn’t some miracle cure to all of life’s sorrows.

How about instead of passing out unearned praise, let’s strip positivity of its saint-like status and give it the far more practical definition – resolving contradictions between our original story and new stories. Simply put, positivity is integration of a negative.

1. You experience something
2. It triggers a new internal story.
3. The negativity instinct finds a contradiction with existing stories.
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5. The positivity instinct responds by updating old stories and by integrating the new one.

Under this framework, negativity and positivity are conflict management tools. Far from cheapening them, this transforms the dual-response into a skill that can be improved over time. Spot contradictions and resolve them.

That said, use of negativity in a proper manner requires self-restraint. You must resist being too critical and exaggerating the scale of the contradiction, while still including all the unpleasant bits. Treating internal contradictions like a puzzle to be solved, rather than a permanent burden facilitates a natural progression into the next stage – positivity.

Realists are actually all optimists, but not in the earlier “naive” sense. They have identified the conflict, understood the scale of it, and are ready to re-write their perspective to integrate the contradiction into a richer understanding of the world. One day, the contradictions begin to be welcomed like old friends, effortlessly merged into one’s understanding of the world like plot twists in a good film.

Negativity was never the villian – just a false positive.